One year ago, I was perched in a hospital bed with an ice pack on my tummy, surgical hose squeezing my legs (leaving a blood blister on my tuckus), morphine drip trigger in one hand, and TV remote in the other. My room looked like the walk-in cooler at a florist shop and there was a steady stream of visitors from church, each telling me how good I looked; personally, I thought I looked dreadful- pale, no makeup, hair gone wild- but I just smiled and said thank you.

In honor of the one-year anniversary of my hysterectomy, I humbly present:

Ode to a Uterus

In my teens, you bore promises

In my twenties, you bore fruit

In my thirties, you bore trials

In my forties, you bore grudges

Not one to slip gently into the quiet night

You fought age and obsolescence

Like any dame worth her salt would

Demanding the spotlight though your day had past

Flows became floods, cramps became crippling

Until we could no longer co-exist

And parted company

I like to think that you are where

You have your f-tubes propped on a stool

Tossing back estrogen poppers

And bragging about the time

You produced a 10 pounder with no help

Rest in Peace- you done good

The scones are done- all twenty-one dozen (that’s 252, in case you were wondering); the scent of oranges still lingers in the house, drawing all who enter to the kitchen, in search of samples. For those who asked (and those who didn’t but want it anyway) here is the recipe:

1-3/4 cups flour

2 tbsp sugar

3 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 cup currants (or chopped dates if you prefer)

Pre-heat oven to 425°; line baking sheet with parchment paper; Mix above ingredients together in one bowl; in separate bowl whisk together:

2 large eggs

1/3 cup heavy cream

1/4 tsp orange rind

2 tbsp orange juice

Reserve 1 tbsp of mixture for egg wash; Mix remainder into dry ingredients until just moistened; turn out onto a floured surface and knead 5 or 6 times- add additional flour if too sticky; pat out into a 1/2 inch high round; cut with 2 inch round biscuit cutter and place on cookie sheet; brush tops with reserved egg mixture; bake for approximately 15 minutes, until lightly browned; Cool slightly before serving; Makes 1 dozen

The trick to scones is to handle them as little as possible, to keep them tender. They can be tightly wrapped in plastic, then foil, and frozen for up to a month- just re-heat them in the microwave, 10 seconds at a time, until just warm and softish.

Okay, since I’m too ornery for my own good, I can’t just tell you what my new project is (see #4 in A rousing chorus of cheers)- you are going to need to guess what it is. I will give you some clues and if after a reasonable period of time (to be established by the panel judge, me) no one guesses…I’ll keep giving hints.

The first clue is: a pair of ladies gloves.

Have fun!